Have you ever been in a relationship where someone constantly lies to you?
Your partner tries to isolate you and change aspects of your life?
He or she is physically rough and verbally condescending towards you?
Do they have a history of trouble with the law?
These are ONLY a handful of warning signs and red flags.
Warning signs and red flags in MY attacker
When I first met my attacker, there were so many warning signs and red flags that I neglected to see.
I overlooked the signs because I thought that he was changing his life to be a better person.
I also felt really bad for him because he had such an awful life (childhood abuse, no family or home until he was 16 years old, his adopted father had just died, we found his half brother dead after he had committed suicide).
Yes, these are all horrific things. However, I neglected to see that he was a dangerous person because I felt bad for him.
Here are the MAJOR warning signs and red flags when it came to my attacker:
- Overly charming and showed extreme interest in me really early on (I was naive and trusting)
- Seemed “too good to be true”
- Showed up to my work and my home unannounced
- Held my purse and personal belongings without my full consent
- Manipulated me
- Had an extensive criminal record (I never Googled him until the night that I filed a police report)
- Lied to me about everything-his nationality, his place of birth, his adopted father being affluent and owning over 8 properties across the US, where and who he lived with, that he was employed and starting a business, his relationship with men, etc. The lies go on and on…
- Tried to prevent me from seeing my friends
- Was condescending
- Was jealous that I wrote and published a book
- Got really angry easily
- Had no friends or family
- Was jealous of me
- Wanted to know where I was all the time
- Had major mood swings
- Was physically violent towards other people
- Disappeared for days without an explanation
- Blamed me for anything and everything
- Lacked any sort of empathy for other people
- Felt superior and better than everyone
How did my attacker’s behavior make me feel?
As a result, I felt:
- Scared to be around him
- Afraid to break it off with him
- Was sad and depressed
- Felt trapped
- And I was at a loss of what to do
My attacker was a master in disguise.
He pretended to be someone who he was not so that he was accepted into society. Sadly, he was never taught or shown how to be a citizen.
In retrospect, I still wonder how I ever involved myself with a person like this. I am an educated woman. I have an amazing family and dear friends.
It boils down to:
- I was too trusting and naive
- I didn’t take the time to get to know him
- I believed everything that he told me
- I didn’t ask questions
- I neglected to Google him
- I didn’t trust my instincts
What to do when you experience warning signs and red flags
TRUST YOUR GUT!
- Talk with your friends and family
- Seek professional giudance and help.
- Leave the relationship … before it’s too late
The good news is that…
Stay tuned in my next blog for tips for how to leave an abusive relationship.