Whether you are engaged in healthy or unhealthy relationships, there are times when it’s challenging.
There are ups and downs, twists and unforeseen turns, happy moments, sad times and uncertainty.
- Have you ever felt unsure?
- Had doubts but still loved your partner?
- Felt confused and at a loss of what to do?
I’m positive that we have all been here. It’s hard because we may love someone so much, yet he or she might not be the right person for us.
A relationship is a bond that you share with someone. It’s based on trust, commitment and security. These elements are vital for any couple to succeed.
I have asked myself, am I getting what I want or what I need in a relationship?
There is a BIG difference.
A NEED is a necessity for your emotional self
A WANT is what you desire or like.
WHAT I WANT is a partner who I:
- Have fun with
- Like to be around
- Enjoy inside jokes
- Share special moments
- Be in love
- Know that we have each other’s backs no matter what.
What I NEED is to:
- Feel happy
- Feel comfortable communicating openly and honestly with my partner
- Be confident to speak my mind
- Be able to express what I need in the relationship
- Share similar family values
- Have an understanding of what our goals as a couple are
- Be on the same page
- Feel supported and grounded
- Trust my partner
- Be vulnerable
- Feel secure in the relationship
- Willingness to work through problems and differences
Sifting through these lists, I realize that getting what I want and what I need are two totally separate entities.
I have settled for what I want, but as a result, I’m don’t get what I need.
When you are looking for a romantic partner, know what you want and need. Two key questions to ask yourself are:
- Does this person share similar life goals and dreams?
For example, if you want to have a family, and you’re out with someone who tells you they don’t want children, then it’s probably best to move on and not hope that someday he or she will change their mind.
- Do I feel better about myself when I am with this person?
For example, if you are with someone who makes you feel insecure, unhappy and dissatisfied, you’re probably not with the best partner for you. Your partner should always respect, honor and cherish you through the great times and the not so good times.
Tips to getting what you need from a romantic partner
- Make a list of the things that you don’t want in a relationship
- Note your dealbreakers
- Be conscious of your life goals
- Note what you value
- Think about your worst relationship
- Note how you can avoid falling into negative patterns
- Make a vision board and include all of the items you want in your partnership.
When you find your true love partner, indeed you will get both what you WANT and what you NEED.